“Let the Redeemed of the Lord Tell their Story” Psalm 107:2

Recently, Mark and I were able to share our story of redemption on the Gritty podcast.  If you missed it, I encourage you to listen especially if you are feeling ashamed of anything you have done, are doing, or are struggling with in your marriage.  As painful as it is, one of the ways God brings us to himself is through our utter failures, those things we are forced to face with just ourselves and God.

            If one person, hears just one thing from me today, I want it to be this. 

            Your marriage is worth fighting for. 

            You might be in an ugly place, it might seem humdrum right now, your spouse might be a jerk sometimes.  All these things might be true, but what is also true is that God works in each of us through our marriages.  

            Increasingly as I listen to podcasts and public speakers and all the “wisdom” out there, I hear this phrase:

            “Maybe you are in a toxic relationship.” 

            Or this one, that I heard today.

            “Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long?”

            While I understand that some marriages are toxic and some people are dating people and need to get out of their relationship, I also know that these words were not spoken to just singles or to just people in abusive relationships.  These words plant in our heads the fact that maybe WE, ME, YOU are in a toxic relationship.   “Maybe my marriage is toxic?”

            I would say, often, our marriages are not actually toxic, or maybe they are. Maybe I am a little bit toxic and maybe you are a little bit toxic, and maybe that’s the point. Maybe the whole point is to learn to live, love and forgive the little toxic pieces we all throw out.

           Marriage is complicated because we have two toxic sinners living together trying to make a life together, often NEVER consulting God or TRUSTING that He might be doing a GOOD work in us through the struggles in our marriages. 

            I am not telling anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.  I am telling you, however, that our marriages are worth some effort, the person you married is someone you chose to marry, and that God wants to do a good work in you and your marriage. 

            All the while, however, you will hear and feel the whispers.

            “It’s toxic.  It’s too hard.  You deserve better.  Maybe you should get out. Don’t bother trying anymore.”

Silence those whispers.

Don’t let someone else write your story. 

Come on. Let me say that again.

DO NOT let someone else write your story. 

Words have meaning but increasingly we throw them around using them to feel sorry for ourselves.  You are a fighter, and if you are not, well, it might just be time to become one.

Think about this if you have kids.  Your spouse was at one time someone’s little girl or boy, just like the little boy or girl you have.  What would you want for your kiddo?  How would you want them to be treated?  How would you want them to be loved?  Some of the hardest people to love are the ones who didn’t get much growing up and while that’s not an excuse, it is something for us to consider especially when it gets hard.

Step back from the struggle, find something to enjoy together even if it is trivial, and write your own story, a better story, a story of redemption.